Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
