yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
