If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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