there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
