I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We had sex on a dog bed..
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
