I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
