dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
