she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Barsexuality is the new black.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dignity is for republicans.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
