I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
