I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
