Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
