It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
