There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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