Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
