Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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