"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
