we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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