She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
