Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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