i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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