I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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