I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
