i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
