Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
