omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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