he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
