I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
