So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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