when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
