OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
