Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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