Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
