I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
