they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize