We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
