no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
