I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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