every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
