You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
