"it" just moved
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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