Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
