Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
