I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
