Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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