you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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