i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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