at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
