Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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