I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
