he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
