she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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