I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
