my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
