So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
