I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
