It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I didn't notice because vodka
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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