I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
