he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You made out with two different species that night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
