are you still at the devil's house?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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