my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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