the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
