It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
