You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
