yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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