Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
