Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
