If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
