No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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