Sponge bath it is.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
