did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
