well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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