I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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