Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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