After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
