you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
