I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im holly from the hills drunk
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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